So after 2 years of self imposed celibacy/non dating, I decided to put my toe in slowly...and accepted a date with a parent of my child's classmate...he had been interested in me for a bit, apparently, and reached out on a social networking site. Pretty innocuous start, some light messages, texts, etc. Met for drinks a few weeks ago. I made it clear going in that I only had a certain window of time (1 hr) due to work conflict...he managed to guilt me into staying for over 2 hrs...(first sign).
It was fine, no vibes felt on this side of the bar stool, though. I figured, hey, he's nice and we are friends. Bonus. Apparently the vibes were one sided, though...cause he went in for the post date kiss, which led to about 10 minutes of uncomfortable small talk as I tried to explain that I *really had to go home...NOW*.
Drove home, though nothing of it. He's a friend. Awesome.
Apparently, in his mind, we were destined to be not only lovers, but married and have kids and live forever and ever in a big house with kids, a white picket fence and 2 dogs. He sent many texts, first nice, then prodding, then progressively needier. I felt awful. He was smothering me after 1 semi-half, non-date date.
I tried to put him off, said I was *really busy* with work and stuff. Delayed in getting back to him for a day or two. It didn't help at all. In fact, it made him want me more. WTF. I do not play games. If I do not respond to you, it is because I am not interested. Plain and simple.
Apparently, he didn't get the hint. Kept pushing to see me.
Finally, last weekend, I responded that I was out running errands and we should get coffee. My plan was to let him down gently. He did not see it that way. Said he was out with his kids and could we hang out, see a movie. Um, no. I said we could get coffee another date. Cause coffee is pretty clearly NOT a date, right???
Well, he hunted my down (with his kids in tow) at a big box store. AWKWARD. So I ran my errands with him and his kids following me. His youngest kid actually said "you know, everyone thinks you are my mommy now!"
*shudder*
Ok, fine. I left. They went on their way. I got a flurry of texts asking to see me, etc. Well, I was busy. ALL WEEK. And I said so. Many phone calls later, pleading texts, etc. I had to end it.
12 days after our first (and only) date, I had to let him down and call it a day. He had sent like 10 texts in a 3 hr window...I responded that I just didn't have time, sorry. I am not trying to date anyone. But we can be friends.
That didn't go over well. 4 more texts and a LONG ASS email later...begging me to call.
Fine, I waited until the next day and called. From the parking lot of a store as I was running errands. what should have been a 5 minute call turned into 30 minutes of me explaining 10 different ways WHY I WAS NOT GOING TO DATE YOU.
No, you cannot change my mind.
No, I will not reconsider.
No, begging won't help.
No, we do not have a connection.
Yes, this is different than my other boyfriends, in that I WANTED to date them.
Yes, you will find love again.
No, I am not sorry we hung out...but
Yes, we can only be friends.
No, we will never be more than friends.
Yes, I am sure.
No, asking me to give it a try won't help.
No, it isn't you. It REALLY is me. As in, I do not want to date you.
Thank you.
As we were hanging up he asked me to call him later so we could talk *more*.
No, we will not. I hung up and feel that I adequately explained why our 1 drink date will not turn into the next "great love story" and I do not want to rehash it again.
Why? Let's think this out:
I do not know your middle name. Or even how to spell your first name. I do not know where you live. I do not know what you do for a job. You do not know what I do or where I live. I do not know (or care to know) your favorite music, movies, color, any allergies you may have. I do not know (or care) if you like cats, dogs, lizards, sheep, etc. I do not know how old you are. I do not care if you want more kids or a wife or if you hope to move to Alaska one day. I do not care who you sleep with or what you do with your free time.
Do you know why? Because I do not want to date you. You scared me with your intensity and the way in which you thought, in your mind, that we had some insane connection.
I am gun shy as it is. I do not date well. I get scared easily, like a foal being put in in the ring for the first time with a saddle on her back. I shudder and run when people come at me professing love like a crazy stalker after spending 2 hrs with me.
Yes, I am flattered. Sure, being told I am beautiful is nice. Hearing that I am funny and smart is great. But dude, chill the eff out.
No more dates until 2013...
