So a general rule of thumb I have is pretty simple- no cooking. I don't like it, I suck at it, I avoid it. I can DO it...but I have to want to and even then I don't really have any specialties. I make a mean grilled cheese. I don't think that counts. But I have 3 variations- plain cheese, cheese and avocado, and ham and cheese. That is as creatively culinary as I get. If I do decide to fix something more complicated (Easter brunch comes to mind, I attempted pancakes, sausage, and scrambled eggs) I'm usually so done with cooking at the end that I've lost my appetite and don't want to eat whatever it is that I slaved over a hot stove to make.
Tonight, though, I decided vegetarianism might not be a bad thing. Because I attempted to...make tacos. It was a disaster, I am sitting here eating dinner as I type, and it isn't tacos. It is peanut butter and honey toast and a nice crisp apple. I don't mind the effort of cooking. I do mind cooking RAW MEAT. I don't know how people do it. It is pink. Red is not dead. It is fragrant. It is fatty drippy GROSS.
Me at the start- This looks easy. Skillet? Got it. Ground turkey? Got it. Open turkey package. Dump turkey in skillet. Turn on stove. Wait for sizzling. Break up with utensil. More sizzling. More breaking up with utensil.
Me in the middle- This neither looks or smells good. Well, you like tacos. Not just like tacos, love tacos! They will be delicious. You will put seasoning and think of your childhood and it will be worth it.
Me towards the end- Oh my I think I am going to pass out. Boyfriend walks in. Asks if I am OK. Notices my pallor and says he will take over. NO NO NO. I CAN DO THIS. GO AWAY.
2 minutes later- Boyfriend, come here, I can't do this anymore, SAVE ME, GET IN HERE NOW. NOW!
Ah food and cooking. Something so simple, so elemental, something that most people don't think about....I wish it was easier for me...
~J
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day Guilt, Table of 1
Motther's Day. The ONE friggin' day of the year when mothers are supposed to be cherished, revered, spoiled, pampered and all around given the day off from "mom duty." But for Single Mom's, like me and J, it is just a regular day on the job. We don't have husbands to take over so we can go to the Red Door Spa and get the "works" of a massage, facial, mani/pedi. Hell, we don't even get to rest. We get ANOTHER day off custody to spend with our screaming kid by ourselves.
Yes, we get the requisite card and gift. But at the end of the day, our kids don't get that it is supposed to be a special day. They need to be fed. Their butts need to get wiped. They demand toys. They throw tantrums. They need to be bathed. They NEED NEED NEED.
Does it make me a bad mom to have dropped my kid off at his dads at 6pm so I could get some quiet time? Some alone time? So I could find 15 minutes to change my sheets on my bed and polish my nails? Cause I feel guilty. Like the worst kind of guilt.
Every year before this I have dutifully kept my son on Mother's Day while quietly stewing inside. Wishing my stupid ex husband hadn't left. I have always been alone with my son on Mother's Day. We go out and I feel like other mom's look at me and think "aw, that poor single mom...no man to love her" and I feel like a pariah.
This year my ex boyfriend was kind enough to spend the day with us, and that was awesome. He didn't do much other than chase the kid around a museum, but he did take tons of pictures of me with the kid. That is a first. On previous years there have been no photos taken of us together. No photographic evidence that I celebrated Mother's Day. So that was nice. But I still made lunch, did nap time, etc. No help there. The ex is great - good looking, kind, funny, my kid thinks he is a superhero, etc. But not much in the "fathering" department comes to mind. I guess vomit doesn't scare him, so that is a bonus....
So yeah, I did the "Mom" thing all day. It is 7:45pm. I am in pjs. Laundry is in. I ate a pb sandwich for dinner cause I am too lazy to go to the grocery store. I am going to do my nails and hopefully crawl into bed by 9pm. Probably won't happen...but I will shoot for it.
Does this make me a bad mother?
Yes, we get the requisite card and gift. But at the end of the day, our kids don't get that it is supposed to be a special day. They need to be fed. Their butts need to get wiped. They demand toys. They throw tantrums. They need to be bathed. They NEED NEED NEED.
Does it make me a bad mom to have dropped my kid off at his dads at 6pm so I could get some quiet time? Some alone time? So I could find 15 minutes to change my sheets on my bed and polish my nails? Cause I feel guilty. Like the worst kind of guilt.
Every year before this I have dutifully kept my son on Mother's Day while quietly stewing inside. Wishing my stupid ex husband hadn't left. I have always been alone with my son on Mother's Day. We go out and I feel like other mom's look at me and think "aw, that poor single mom...no man to love her" and I feel like a pariah.
This year my ex boyfriend was kind enough to spend the day with us, and that was awesome. He didn't do much other than chase the kid around a museum, but he did take tons of pictures of me with the kid. That is a first. On previous years there have been no photos taken of us together. No photographic evidence that I celebrated Mother's Day. So that was nice. But I still made lunch, did nap time, etc. No help there. The ex is great - good looking, kind, funny, my kid thinks he is a superhero, etc. But not much in the "fathering" department comes to mind. I guess vomit doesn't scare him, so that is a bonus....
So yeah, I did the "Mom" thing all day. It is 7:45pm. I am in pjs. Laundry is in. I ate a pb sandwich for dinner cause I am too lazy to go to the grocery store. I am going to do my nails and hopefully crawl into bed by 9pm. Probably won't happen...but I will shoot for it.
Does this make me a bad mother?
Die PMS, die!!!
Watch out. I'm going to go off. I'd bust a cap in someone's ass if I had a cap for busting or even an ass handy. (I'm home alone, fortunately, you are welcome, world). I can feel it bubbling up to the surface like an overboiling pot of water or even more accurately, like a dam that is about to burst at the seams and send an entire lake full of water rushing down towards a small unsuspecting town. Run for your lives, people. Run for your lives.
It's that time of month.
I am on edge. I am pissed off. I even know why I am pissed off, yet I am helpless to change it. Damn PMS just needs to run it's damn course so I can feel human again. It's bad enough that my uterus feels like it is twisting into balloon animals. I can deal with that. They even make pills for that. Cramps are minor compared to this frickin MONSTER I have become. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to do anything, if you are in my way, get OUT of it, because I am not moving, even if I technically wasn't I will be operating on the following principles for the next 3-7 days:
1. I was here first.
2. I am always right
I love Mexican food and I bought a tamale. It tasted like ass. I am pissed. It is a one day sale at Macy's so I went. They didn't have any good shoes. I am pissed. I went to DSW to salvage the shoe situation. Still no good shoes. I am pissed. I went to Costco so my daughter could snack on samples (a favorite pastime of hers) and we waited for 10 minutes at the ham station, and it could have been done faster, but the sample lady was gabbing instead of doing her job, so we had to wait. I am pissed. The weekend is almost over, I have nothing to show for it, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I AM PISSED.
Consider yourself warned...
~J
It's that time of month.
I am on edge. I am pissed off. I even know why I am pissed off, yet I am helpless to change it. Damn PMS just needs to run it's damn course so I can feel human again. It's bad enough that my uterus feels like it is twisting into balloon animals. I can deal with that. They even make pills for that. Cramps are minor compared to this frickin MONSTER I have become. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to do anything, if you are in my way, get OUT of it, because I am not moving, even if I technically wasn't I will be operating on the following principles for the next 3-7 days:
1. I was here first.
2. I am always right
I love Mexican food and I bought a tamale. It tasted like ass. I am pissed. It is a one day sale at Macy's so I went. They didn't have any good shoes. I am pissed. I went to DSW to salvage the shoe situation. Still no good shoes. I am pissed. I went to Costco so my daughter could snack on samples (a favorite pastime of hers) and we waited for 10 minutes at the ham station, and it could have been done faster, but the sample lady was gabbing instead of doing her job, so we had to wait. I am pissed. The weekend is almost over, I have nothing to show for it, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I AM PISSED.
Consider yourself warned...
~J
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