Single moms who are fortunate enough to have a father figure who regularly take our kids for periods of time suffer from what I call "split mom personality" disorder. This disorder is characterized by being forced to live a dual life of Mom and Single Woman...
Mom: We spend our days (and nights) caring for our kids, shuttling to and from school/daycare and all activities, prepare healthy(ish) meals and snacks, kiss all boo-boos, do bathtime, read stories, locate and kill all monsters in closets/under beds/in the shadows, listen to copious amounts of "sing a long" songs in the car, watch too many hours of SpongeBob, superhero or Dora, clean up piles of legos and barbie dolls, say the word "no" approximately 100 times per hour, get up at 6am and spend tons of time at parks and playgrounds in comfortable pants and sneakers.
Single Woman: Sleep until 7am (amazing), watch adult tv with no cartoon characters/superheroes/singing animals, clean up mess left from kid's previous stay at home.
So here is the dilemma - when our kids are here, we are frazzled and exhausted from doing it all ourselves. We look at the calender and count the hours until we have some free time...we love our kids more than life, but we relish the day that we just get to be alone...Yet when that day comes, we have nothing to do. We clean up in 15 minutes. We sit on the sofa and look at the stack of magazines on the coffee table that looked so good just the day before and realize they are boring and not applicable to our lives anymore. I have no need for 4 inch sexy heels. I have no reason to buy a $2,000 designer purse. I do not care about what is going on with Kim Kardashian or Jennifer Aniston.
Pre-kid I used to have tons of ways to fill my free, single girl life. I'd shop. Buy copious amounts of impractical and overpriced clothes, shoes and makeup. I'd meet friends for happy hours that would turn into nights out until 3am. I'd go dancing, make out with hot foreign guys at clubs with thumping house music. I rarely called my mom and had no real reason to go home unless it was for a holiday meal of some sort. I got regular mani/pedis and my hair always had wonderful, blonde, spindly highlights. My clothes didn't have stains or ripped hems. I was put together, vain, shallow and selfish.
Now, my single woman time is different. I walk into my kids room and clean up his stuff. I smell his pillow. I hug his stuffed animals. I can hear his giggles as I make his stuffed animals come to life and dance for him as he drifts off to sleep. I forget all the "no's" I had to yell just the day before. I forget the messes he made, all the frustration and anger and exhaustion. I miss him. I get teary eyed. I walk over to my calendar and count the hours until he comes back. Because without him, I am just a mom without a kid. I dont know how to be a single woman anymore.
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